Maybe I'm Crazy

The personal wonderings of a middle-class, middle-aged woman in middle America.

Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States

Monday, August 21, 2006

Now I forget

Earlier this evening I had some great ideas for a post in my blog. Now that I'm in front of my computer, I've forgotten what I was going to say. I HATE it when that happens!

I think it was about how uncomfortable I am to speak up in front of other people or to put my opinion out in public because I'm afraid of my opinion either being ridiculed or ignored. That's one of the reasons for this blog. I'll put my opinions and thoughts out here and see what happens.

An example was tonight at the weekly group I attend. One person spoke up about a situation in the group that was bothering him. Not surprisingly, a lot of the other group members took exception to what was said. That one person then spent the rest of the meeting no participating and sulking in his corner. When he was asked by one of the facilitators at the end of the meeting how he felt, he responded that he was angry. It occurred to me just now that was the classic response I grew up with. If I said something that wasn't what my parents agreed with or made them angry, they just sulked and acted like I had hurt THEIR feelings. Especially for my Mom, it was always about her and my job was to take care of HER emotionally. Me, I was on my own. No one wanted to take care of or even listen to me. I'm sure that's one of the big reasons I hesitant to expose my feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. to others. I don't want to upset THEM. And that's just one way I've isolated myself from other people.

Yeah, THAT's crazy.

Oh, the house thing. Well, I have to wait at least one month before my credit scores rise high enough for someone to extend credit to me. I will just hope that no one else puts a contract on "MY" house before I can. If they do, at least I'll be a financial position to act when the next "best" house comes along. But in the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep dreaming about "MY" house.


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