Maybe I'm Crazy

The personal wonderings of a middle-class, middle-aged woman in middle America.

Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

My therapist wants me to keep a diary of my feelings when I eat (remember, I'm really overweight). After just not doing it for the past month when I got the original assignment, I have resolved to be more responsible in becoming emotionally and physically healthier and will write something down after every meal. I promise not to post every one of them, but after writing this one down, I thought it would make a good post to share with anyone who comes by here to let you see the "real me."


Lunch: I wasn’t famished when I left to eat lunch at 12:10, but I was hungry. I ended up walking over to the re-opened Capital City Diner in the mall where I got a small grilled chicken breast salad for $2.95. My original plan was to come back to the office but I met up with P and she and I both ate our lunches at the Diner. It felt to me like our conversation was a little jilted, but we were both carried our part of the conversation.

Feelings: Well, I didn’t warm up the soup like I told B (does that make what I told him a lie – yeah) but I did have a healthy, inexpensive salad for lunch. Again, I didn’t feel particularly connected to P during lunch. I did make an effort and didn’t spin some sort of lie and tell her that I had other plans for lunch when I didn’t just in an effort to avoid her or anyone else (I wasn’t avoid just P).

Overall I’m feeling, well, not happy. I’m not particularly sad, I’m not angry, just blah. Of course the cool, overcast weather isn’t helping at all. Again, how am I going to make it through the entire winter when it hasn’t even started yet? [Read that last line with a panicked feeling]. There, that’s an emotion – I’m panicked that I’ll be sad, dark, morose, depressed, stuck in the bottom of a hole until next summer.

Does this really explain my feelings? Am I really trying to figure them out or is this just a bunch of words put down on paper (or computer screen). I am catching tendrils of emotions and then trying to pull them out into the open.


Blogger Sphincter said...

Have you read Undercurrents by Martha Manning? She's a therapist who went through a major depression. Believe it or not, she manages to present it in a humourous way. It's a thin book and a quick read.

9:46 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home