Maybe I'm Crazy

The personal wonderings of a middle-class, middle-aged woman in middle America.

Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

An Open Letter to Donald Rumsfeld

This is response to Donald Rumsfeld's speech before a veterans group as reported on

Dear Mr. Rumsfeld:

How dare you portray me, as a critic of the Bush administration, “as suffering from ‘moral and intellectual confusion’ about what threatens” this nation’s security? Am I morally and intellectually confused for critizing the administration for starting a war in a country which had not attacked us and did not support the terrorists responsible for the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, throwing that nation with economic stability and way of life into terror, loss of vital human services and civil war where thousands have lost their lives? Am I morally and intellectually confused for regretting the actions of the administration that have brought terror to the citizens of Iraq by our confronting terrorists?

I assert that the administration is morally confused for lying to the Congress and American public about your reasons for attacking Iraq. I assert that the administration is morally and intellectually confused by destroying the basic rights given to Americans by its blantant refusal to govern by the dictates set forth in the United States Constitution.

I fear that the actions of the administration under the guise of confronting terrorism is what threatens the nation’s security. The rhetoric emitting from the administration of exclusion anyone “not American” (i.e., an Ameican citizen who doesn’t blindly believe and support the administration) and the administration’s need for a blanket power of authority can be compared to the rhetoric of Adolph Hitler during his rise of power in the 1930’s. You and the administration apparently learned that lesson of history.

I am an American. I do not agree with the policies and performance of the Bush administration and I will continue to voice my criticisms as allowed by the United States Constitution.


A moral and intelligent American

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Because I Love Myself

I'm writing a blog because I love myself. I want to say "yeah, right" but I want my life to be better, so I have to give this a try. Now I have to find something to write about.

I went to a cast party last night. I drank a lot of beer, but I don't think I made too much of a fool of myself. In fact, I don't think I made a fool of myself at all. And it must not have been too much beer because I didn't wake up with a headache or anything. Oh well, I had a good time, even though everyone else there was under 30 and I didn't feel too old. Well, not too much.

So I finished running the sound board for the play and actually helped strike the set. It was a good play and I think most of the audiences liked it. The actors did a good job and my friend Dave did a SUPER job with the lights, video and sound. Now I need to audition and get cast to perform in plays again. I definitely like being in front of the audience more than being behind the scenes.

In the deeper, more me department - I really don't know what profound things to write about. I did open up to a couple of people from the Laramie cast about my latest bout of depression when I met them Friday for dinner and a show (Pippin). I really didn't get a sense of how they received it. But who knows, maybe I'll be hearing from them later. I hope they heard.

And while I've been connecting with acting friends, I haven't heard from but one sister in the last 2-3 weeks. It's amazing, if I don't reach out to them, it's like I'm not alive to them. And if I call them it's a "what do you want", "what's wrong", etc. Nothing like "Hi, thanks for calling me, how's your life going. Here's what I'm doing." Okay, that's a rant and I realize that nothing will change, but this is MY blog and I can write what I want to, because I love myself!

P.S. How am I going to get others in the blogosphere to read my blog?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Now I forget

Earlier this evening I had some great ideas for a post in my blog. Now that I'm in front of my computer, I've forgotten what I was going to say. I HATE it when that happens!

I think it was about how uncomfortable I am to speak up in front of other people or to put my opinion out in public because I'm afraid of my opinion either being ridiculed or ignored. That's one of the reasons for this blog. I'll put my opinions and thoughts out here and see what happens.

An example was tonight at the weekly group I attend. One person spoke up about a situation in the group that was bothering him. Not surprisingly, a lot of the other group members took exception to what was said. That one person then spent the rest of the meeting no participating and sulking in his corner. When he was asked by one of the facilitators at the end of the meeting how he felt, he responded that he was angry. It occurred to me just now that was the classic response I grew up with. If I said something that wasn't what my parents agreed with or made them angry, they just sulked and acted like I had hurt THEIR feelings. Especially for my Mom, it was always about her and my job was to take care of HER emotionally. Me, I was on my own. No one wanted to take care of or even listen to me. I'm sure that's one of the big reasons I hesitant to expose my feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. to others. I don't want to upset THEM. And that's just one way I've isolated myself from other people.

Yeah, THAT's crazy.

Oh, the house thing. Well, I have to wait at least one month before my credit scores rise high enough for someone to extend credit to me. I will just hope that no one else puts a contract on "MY" house before I can. If they do, at least I'll be a financial position to act when the next "best" house comes along. But in the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep dreaming about "MY" house.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Oh yeah, I'm asking for trouble

Realizing that my emotional stability is a little shaky right now - I'm in the beginning throes of purchasing my first house. Can I double my medication now? But I've held back from purchasing a house for lo these many years because I always felt that I had to do it perfectly - you know, the perfect credit rating, lots of money in the bank, 30% down, etc., etc., one of my ephanies on the way out of the latest depression black hole is that I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT PERFECTLY!!! My usual modus operandi is to freeze with inaction if I can't succeed the very first time I try. I don't have to be perfect to purchase a house. I don't have to be perfect to have friends. I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING PERFECT.

So the house is the perfect size, has everything I wanted (nice kitchen, garage, fireplace and a fenced yard) and is affordable. The only iffy thing is the neighborhood. I've never lived in that part of town and it does have a reputation that's not so stellar. If I could just take that house and move it to a neighborhood I know and am comfortable with - without having to pay more money.

Well, I'm sure I'll be ranting and raving about this home purchase in the next few weeks. And then the real reason I'm purchasing a house - I'M GOING TO GET A DOG!!!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Let Us Introduce You To The One and Only

I'm Tuck (my pseudonym). Actually, Tuck was my cat once upon a time, but I'm not comfortable yet with putting my real name out there in cyberspace. I've been reading various blogs for the past 2-3 years and appreciate how bloggers can write down their thoughts, observations and still sound coherent, even when they don't think they are. Now I'm going to try.

The title of my blog? Simple, I suffer from depression. Usually it's under control. Until it rears its ugly head. I feel that I'm happier for longer periods of time. Then the black hole opens up. And it seems to be blacker and bigger and closer to swallowing me up everytime it happens. I'm not convinced that's normal. And that's why the title of my blog.

Well, obviously my depression is more important to me than I thought since that's the very first thing I bring up in my blog. Let's try some other identifying aspects of me and my personalty:

REAL close to 50
Sense of humor
Haven't dated in a LOOOOOONG time
No marriages, relationships with significant others OR kids
Gainfully employed AND
I like to act

I'm sure there's a lot more I can tell you about myself, but I can't put it into words yet. I'll just have to keep posting on this blog and see what I discover.

Hope you can join me on my trip....